I think these are really good points, and I agree completely. People are now in the "if you didn't like it you're a canon nazi and didn't get it" mode, which I think is unfair. My quibble with the movie can really be distilled into the above points. I do get it, it's just hard to feel the same connection to an alternate universe Trek as opposed to the original Trek universe. I think this is a valid reaction to the film.
This I can understand. I think the "knee jerk defense" reaction has come from months of "It violates canon!" and "They've wiped out everything we ever loved!" posts. Clearly neither of these are true (and your post reflects that), but since we've been so saturated with that, it's easy to just suddenly react without really carefully reading the posts. Not defending, just observing.