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Old April 10 2009, 07:44 AM   #132
Location: USS Lollipop
Re: Excelsior Technical Manual - Revived!

Praetor wrote: View Post
kitsune, where would I be without ya? Thank you once more.

Praetor wrote: View Post
Their amenities were impressive by any standard, and they possessed the longest range and most varied capabilities of any Starfleet ship ever launched.
launched -> constructed

Praetor wrote: View Post
Excelsior class ships would begin to take a backseat

Praetor wrote: View Post
The ship had originally been ordered as a Nebula-class ship, but the registry was re-purposed for naming of the Excelsior prototype.
the Excelsior prototype -> the new Excelsior prototype

Since the USS Excelsior will always be the Excelsior prototype.

Praetor wrote: View Post
The Melbourne would become the pattern for all refits on the Excelsior class through the 2360s, but herself would be lost at the Battle of Wolf 359 to the Borg in 2367.
but herself would -> but would herself

Praetor wrote: View Post
Also in 2357, the Excelsior underwent a refit to Melbourne specifications
Excelsior -> USS Excelsior or Excelsior herself

Praetor wrote: View Post
The Borg were completely incompatible with the Federation mindset; they are a foe
your verb tenses are inconsistent (were vs. are)

Praetor wrote: View Post
The Galaxy class had finally proven that building dual-purpose, equally capable exploratory/warships was the most efficient method,
method of what?

I suggest: The success of the Galaxy class clearly demonstrated the efficacy of building starships that could serve the dual purposes of exploration and defense...

Praetor wrote: View Post
as well as the development of new more combat-oriented starships.
new more -> new, more

Praetor wrote: View Post
Starfleet began investigating options for upgrading their tactical abilities.
abilities -> capabilities

Praetor wrote: View Post
Lakota was misused in an attempted Starfleet coup
misused doesn't seem like the most appropriate word here.
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