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Old April 2 2009, 09:31 AM   #74
Location: USS Lollipop
Re: Excelsior Technical Manual - Revived!

Praetor wrote: View Post
Therefore, Starfleet, began a fleet-wide program
Remove the comma after Starfleet

Praetor wrote: View Post
Her presence in the region was instrumental, and helped prove the design's worth to the skeptics in Starfleet leadership.
It seems odd to me to have instrumental at the end of a clause. I'm used to seeing the constructions instrumental to XXX or instrumental in XXX.

Praetor wrote: View Post
The Enterprise was sent to escort Chancellor Gorkon to a peace summit on Earth, but Chancellor Gorkon was assassinated
but he was assassinated,

Praetor wrote: View Post
Captain Sulu proceeded to take his vessel on a daring (and illegal) rescue mission
illegal -> unauthorized or treaty-violating

Praetor wrote: View Post
(blamed by most largely on the ship's leftover construction)
blamed primarily upon

Praetor wrote: View Post
The enhancements, while not unsuccessful, were not widely popular, and ultimately proved rare among Excelsior class ships, making up less than twenty percent of the entire line.
That figure seems very high.
I assume the secondary hull fairings added labs and cargo capacity, which may not have been that useful, but the more powerful impulse engines should have been more popular given the Excelsior's disadvantage in maneuverability relative to the Constitution class.
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