Agree with David, there's a lot of dialogue but not much in the way of scenery painting. That siad, I think there are nice touches and the dialogue is good.
But my main point that I would like to make is the fact I love you are doing a lower decks POV by and large. Certainly, they are getting more screen time. If I ever went back to an idea I had to reimagine Voyager this is the approach I would have taken. Now that you are doing it, I don't need to heh heh. Well done for going that route.
I will follow with interest to see where you go with this.