View Single Post
Old March 26 2009, 07:40 PM   #42
kitsune
Captain
 
Location: USS Lollipop
Re: Excelsior Technical Manual - Revived!

Praetor wrote: View Post
the engines nacelles pulsed
engines should be engine or engines'.

Praetor wrote: View Post
the transwarp nacelles had never had never
remove superfluous had never.

Praetor wrote: View Post
of Captain Scott had done
of what Captain Scott had done.

Praetor wrote: View Post
the ship was not fitted with proper auxiliary controls to supplement such an occurrence,
the ship was not equipped with redundant components to mitigate such a failure

Praetor wrote: View Post
also installing proper backup circuits.
and redundant components were also installed

Praetor wrote: View Post
disappointed by what they considered average results
mediocre results

Praetor wrote: View Post
compared to what was hyped in the press
compared to what had been hyped in the media (or by the press)

Praetor wrote: View Post
had still failed to pass Level Four Review
still had not passed a Level Four Design Review

Praetor wrote: View Post
although the transwarp drive was being continually reconfigured and reprogrammed
despite being continually reconfigured and reprogrammed

Praetor wrote: View Post
ship was merely settling down
ship was still being 'broken in'

Praetor wrote: View Post
The Excelsior was thrown out of transwap with a terrible jolt. Something had gone seriously wrong.
A critical systems failure resulted in the Excelsior violently falling out of transwarp.

Praetor wrote: View Post
Engineers scrambled to try to fix the problem as the ship continued to accelerate
I'm confused here, the ship fell out of transwarp but is still accelerating?

Praetor wrote: View Post
rocking the wounded Excelsior with recoil
Recoil is motion resulting from firing a projectile, but the core exploded after being ejected, so I suggest re-wording this.

Praetor wrote: View Post
but the damage that had already occurred to the transwarp drive was serious enough.
Since the warp core was lost, I assume the serious damage remaining was to the transwarp coils in the nacelles.

Praetor wrote: View Post
Within the half-hour, two tow ships arrived
That seems awfully quick.

Praetor wrote: View Post
two hour journey
two-hour journey

Praetor wrote: View Post
in the month following her redeployment
in the month following the ship's redeployment

Praetor wrote: View Post
The Excelsior had not suffered serious hull damage
I think this statement may be redundant.

Praetor wrote: View Post
refit to her power systems and the installation of a new transwarp core
Aren't the power systems and transwarp core the same thing? Or do you mean refit/repairs to her power transfer conduits or transwarp coils?

Praetor wrote: View Post
Cartwright was to make sure the Excelsior
Cartwright was to ensure the Excelsior

Praetor wrote: View Post
Cartwright was quite traditional in his views
I'm not sure what that means in this context

Praetor wrote: View Post
The Admiral saw the Excelsior as a potential battleship.
That seems quite odd. The Excelsior is equipped as a heavy cruiser or exploration ship. Changing the purpose of something this late in the game would make it fall far short of its potential.

Last edited by kitsune; March 26 2009 at 07:54 PM.
kitsune is offline   Reply With Quote