View Single Post
Old March 26 2009, 12:35 PM   #3
DavidFalkayn's Avatar
Re: Star Trek: Voyager - Dark Realm

An interesting beginning. If I might offer a note of constructive criticism--you might want to spend some time 'scenery painting'. Setting the scene is something that is all too frequently ignored in fan fiction, but it is very important--just as important as dialogue. Little things like clothing--yes, they all wear uniforms but does one character tend to just slough on any old thing without regard as to freshness or is her uniform always crisp and neat? What sort of bric a brac might a character have in their quarters?

The creature was Vaadwaur but at the same time, not Vaadwaur. Half of it’s skin was blackened almost charred but there was no smell of burned flesh. One eye was normal, the other a glowing yellow orb. Half the flesh on its face was blackened, two antennae protruded from its forehead. One arm was normal, save for the ripped sleeve and the many cuts and bruises. The other arm was charcoal black and ended in a twisted claw. Blood and some unidentifiable inky black fluid leaked from wounds on its torso.
This is a lot like what I'm talking about--show, don't tell.
USS Sutherland, Lexington, Gibraltar, Bluefin, Independence, Dauntless, Eagle, Dark Territory all dock here
DavidFalkayn is offline   Reply With Quote