Re: "square parsecs" etc. - somehow, the whole quote didn't survive
I think I lifted that figure from the 'Starship Spotter' book. What do you suggest instead?
That description pulled me out of an otherwise good read, too. What I'd suggest would be either
"...had increased the volume
of known space by a good million(*)
"...had increased the volume of known space by hundreds(*)
"...had shifted the borders of known space by dozens(*)
of parsecs in all directions."
- exact figure would depend on your personal model of Federation space. Just for comparison, a volume of 1 million parsec^3 would be a cube with a side length of 100 parsec and correspond to ~4300 sectors of 20^3 lightyears each.