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Old January 19 2009, 12:59 AM   #12
Nerys Ghemor
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Re: Jan. Challenge--Exits in the Haze (PG-13)

CeJay wrote: View Post
Well, at first I wanted to complain that I thought this was a bit long. But then I realized that I can hardly make such a point as my own entry is going to come in at the same length.
I made it with 200 words to spare.

You did after all pack a lot into this story in your continuing effort to upending established Trek lore. As I mentioned once before, your alternate take of what-if it had been the other way around, is quite fascinating.

Even though at times I thought that your Bajorans might make an even more cruel occupier than the Cardassians ever were. I think I'd be safe to say that Tora is a lot more scary than Dukat ever was.
Well...if we take the stuff in Fearful Symmetry to be "accurate" on Dukat, I'd say "our" universe's Dukat is capable of being just as sick as Vedek Tora. But yeah, she is one nasty piece of work and probably the sickest individual I have ever written into one of my stories.

(BTW, just to be sure here...I do want to say I don't imagine "our" universe's Tora Naprem being like that. Dukat's reaction to her death in "Indiscretion" definitely says she wasn't.)

You pile up plenty of sympathy for your Dukat in this story and quite frankly after this I really hope your next story will focus on Dukat kicking some serious Bajoran ass. (Never thought I'd say that)

As for your style, it is long-winded, sure, but it works quite well to get down to the soul of your protagonist.

Well done.
Thanks! The fact that you WOULD say that about anybody with Dukat's name and DNA tells me I did my job.

I felt, as I was writing, that I had a major deficit to make up for, in that just his name alone was going to make me have to work harder to build up any kind of sympathy for him. (And he DOES have some of the typical Dukat personality traits, just expressed differently.) Making the reader see him as a person and really get an idea for what made him tick was very important for me.

I also have to say...I am very glad to see this reaction from a guy. Given some of the screwed-up reactions to what I thought should've been a pretty obvious scenario in my latest Thirteenth Order posting, I had no idea what I was going to be in for on this one: was I going to offend/earn the contempt of every guy here? Were they going to deride this Dukat as pathetic, or see the strength and faith he has to have to get out of his situation? Would they want to even read at all once they saw where it was headed, given the hard questions it might make them ask?

Glad to know at least one guy read it and got something out of it.
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