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Old November 10 2008, 08:44 AM   #10
USS Fardell
Location: Australia
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Re: Challenge Entry - A Time of Terror

TheLoneRedshirt wrote: View Post
Had some difficulty following this. I suggest you separate lines of dialogue with a space - that makes for much easier reading.

At the core, you have a good story here. If you could provide a bit more background and do some editing, it would be helpful.
I will do that, soon.

Mistral wrote: View Post
nice entry.
Thank you

Starkers wrote: View Post
Interesting story--I got a real Event Horizon feel from it--but it was a bit confusing. I'm no grammar nazi (my own isn't perfect) but there were some seplling errors in here that you maybe should have picked up. The story was also a little confusing, and you have some repetition and superfluous comments that weren't needed. There is no point the Captain making a log entry saying they're going to intercept the freighter when you've just explained that in the text.
I think you are right about the redundancy.
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