View Single Post
Old November 5 2008, 11:35 PM   #9
USS Fardell
Location: Australia
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to USS Fardell Send a message via Yahoo to USS Fardell
Re: Challenge Entry - A Time of Terror

captcalhoun wrote: View Post
you also persistently misspelled forcefield as well as some other spelling mistakes (malevolent for one)
Oops. (why doesn't OpenOffice have a spell checker!)

trampledamage wrote: View Post
captcalhoun wrote: View Post
you switched from past to present tense in there. y'might wanna fix that...
Where's the tense shift? I didn't notice it.

There's a fantastic pace to this story, USS Fardell, unfortunately that's also made it a bit confusing for me, I shall have to go back and read it again!
I would have like to see what state the freighter's crew were in and got to hear some of their stories - I think without that, the story leaves too much unexplained.
If there wasn't so low a word limit, I would have had written more (and some of that would have had been stories from the freighter crew)

trampledamage wrote: View Post
captcalhoun wrote: View Post
when Livingstone disappears. literally mid sentence when the woman whips out her tricorder.
Thanks, I see it now.

It would have been difficult to uphold for the rest of the story, but the present tense really suits the pace and confusion in those two paragraphs.
USS Fardell is offline   Reply With Quote