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Old August 22 2008, 03:02 PM   #106
witchie
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Re: Hellboy II: The Golden Army - Grading & Discussion

Capt. Vulcan wrote: View Post
I just saw this movie and I guess I have to be one of the dissenting opinions. I liked it but had to give it a below average. It had all the elements of a great movie, but failed to ever put them together enough for me to recommend it. I really really wanted to like this movie because I like DelToro and Mignola is my favorite comic book artist, but it just didn't happen.

There's a lot to like in this movie. It looks fantastic. The universe is rich and imaginative. Ron Perlman is still perfect as hellboy. The villains are compelling and actually a little sympathetic. The action is well choreographed and filmed. I probably would have watched a movie just about the war between the humans and the elves. Everything just looked awesome. In fact, if I watched the movie with the sound off I would have guessed that it was a fantastic film.

SPOILERS

Unfortunately I didn't watch it with the sound off. It just seemed really poorly written to me. The dialog was kind of shitty for a lot of the movie, with people just saying things to move things along. Aside from Abe and Hellboy getting drunk I thought the humor came off as forced and extremely corny. I actually cringed at some of the attempts at humor. The story just seems to go along without any kind of flow. Things just happen to happen as we go from situation to situation without ever getting in to any kind of groove.

Like the whole situation with saving Hellboy. The prince stabs Red and leaves a magic spear tip because he doesn't have time to look for the crown piece. Even though he already killed his dad and dispatched an assload of royal guards, I can accept that. But then they rather clumsily set up a situation where the heroes have to steal a ship and go to this secret island to save red. (Kraus convincing himself to go along was one of the more lazy parts of the movie) Only when they land there, they're matter of factly told by a legless troll that he knows someone who can take it out... because he covets shiny objects. They meet Death, who gives Liz the choice of saving Red, or endangering earth. She chooses Red, Red rips off the bandage, and they decide to go after the Prince anyways. Oh, by the way, the troll was the guy that built the whole golden army. WTF?!

Then there's the whole elemental attack on the city scene. Oh no the prince "batmans" in to the scene and unleashed a monster! But wait, the prince says he's just like you hellboy! Oh no, you shot it and killed it anyways. (Kraus was particularly stupid in this scene. (Keel zem! Shoot eet! Shoot eet in ze het!) But its blood is turning in to plants so I guess it's ok. Or is it? Wait what about... Oh the prince is gone. Oh no the city thinks you're going to eat the baby! Look at how your exposure backfired! Liz does the only thing she's good at, which is getting really hot because she's an uncontrollable female. Wait, lets just go home. The end.

One of the other things that bothered me for some reason was the voice acting. A lot of the characters sounded off to me. Aside from Hellboy and the villain, the voices were either just OK, or sub par. Kraus just sounded like the goldfish from American Dad, and was overall kind of a retarded character. The princess sounded off to me at times, seeming to loose her accent... if she ever actually had one. Jeffry Tambor was too sniveling and skittish for my taste. Even Abe sounded wrong to me.

Other shitty parts included the whole baby saving fiasco (ok guys, lets have Abe, Liz, and an agent escort this lady away from her car in the danger zone, but just leave her baby here so Red can save it later.) and the ensuing "we hate muties" scene, the "I'm a tumor" joke, the pregnancy sub plot, the Abe love story sub plot, and Red exposing himself to the city.

I dunno, maybe I was just in a bad mood, but I did not like this movie and came away pretty disappointed. There was still a lot of stuff I liked in the movie, just didn't enjoy it as a whole.
You weren't in a bad mood. You were spot on with your gripes. I gave this one an average because the visuals were great. If not, it would have rated below average.
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