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Old April 30 2008, 10:32 PM   #13
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Location: Between the candle and the flame
Re: Sleeping at Warp

Ok, bud, you better get CH8 posted soon-although the way you left things its going to be a very short chapter.
I like your portrayal of Paris. You need to keep his sense of humor in mind at all times because it often surfaced in VOY during times of stress. You have a pretty right-on portrait of him overall. I really like Seven's dialogue-I can "hear" it.
This security guy, Grif-unless he dies in chapter 8 I'd definitely make him a piece of the regular cast-anybody who goes space-walking with a sword sounds too interesting to lose.
That having been said-your writing is very well-done overall-few if any mechanical flaws(thank you! My pet peeve!) and the pacing is pretty smooth, too. I look forward to more.
...sf fandom is only a personality disorder if you do it right.-Klaus - archive stories! for honest gaming

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