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Ln X January 26 2013 12:18 AM

100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!
Achtung all!!!

The weekend begins here with the latest caption contest, the 100th one no less! This caption contest is going to be different as you, the participant, will be telling the story of how Harry Kim became promoted via the pictures given and captioning said pictures.

There are a few points:

1. You have to use 4 or more of the pictures for this caption story.

2. Stand alone pictures WILL NOT be considered.

3. There will only be one winner in this contest.

4. You have to tell the story of how Harry Kim became promoted and make it funny, so how hard can that be?

Anyway, the winners are...

The guests-are-not-welcome award goes to...


LeadHead wrote: (Post 7570135)

Voyager's party guests rarely got warm welcomes.

A case of mistaken identity...


Smellincoffee wrote: (Post 7564402)
Chakotay: Did you seriously pinch Torres on the behind?
Tuvok: Ordinarily I would issue charges, but in light of your various sundry dislocations, I believe the matter has been duly...addressed.

Looks like someone has cottoned on to my recent caption contest titles...


The Laughing Vulcan wrote: (Post 7563526)

Kim: "So what happens when Ln X runs out of Blackadder the Third titles?"
Tom: "Duh! Blackadder Goes Forth."

The Talaxian hedgehog won't be missed...


hux wrote: (Post 7555537)

Is that Neelix drowning on the right.....yup, just keep looking to the left

The truth is disclosed...


JirinPanthosa wrote: (Post 7558393)

SEVEN: So that's what happened. The real Naomi is dead, and you were brought over from an alternate version of Voyager.




And now introducing our 'Thematically Pleasing Award' the theme from the last contest being 'duel and duality'.


R. Star wrote: (Post 7555603)

Fire your phasers at the aliens we're trying to establish peaceful contact with and apologize for our fellow humans killing!

Our photoshop award (it's nice to give one of these out) goes to:


Nerys Myk wrote: (Post 7558249)

JANEWAY: Computer, freeze program. Now advance, one quarter speed.




Here are the pictures to be used for the story of how Harry Kim became promoted. In my next post I'll give you an example of how this story could go...

I'll let this contest run for two weeks, and so in that time caption until you drop!

Finally I want to thank Yeoman Randi who started the VOY caption contests, without her none of this would have happened.

Now let's get the celebration under way!

Ln X January 26 2013 12:35 AM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!
So here is an example of how this story (how Harry Kim became promoted) caption contest works...
Kim: It's just not fair, even a hologram is promoted instead of me!
Doctor: That's because Mr Kim your uses are few...
Tom: Get over it Harry, sure the Doctor's a jerk but your day will come...
Neelix: And if you want to be promoted you've got to be adventurous...
Harry: Adventurous as in eating what looks like dead grasshoppers.
Neelix: Now you're cottoning on!
Kim: Seriously Chakotay, is it a jinx or something? I'm the only one who works his butt off and what do I get for it? Nothing!
Chakotay: That's your problem Harry you try to hard, now scram while I lose myself in this scenery and explore my inner spiritual being!
Kim: Seriously guys if I want to be promoted desperate measures are required..
Hogan: It's all about favours isn't it? I mean only the captain can promote you and who does the captain adore the most?
Kim: Seven?
Hogan: You persuade Seven and maybe she'll put in a favourable word...
Chakotay: I'll remember today's away mission for one reason; Harry begging me for promotion!
B'Elanna: Does that guy ever give up?
Seven: Yes ensign I'll put in a favourable word but it comes at a price.
Kim: Copulation?
Seven: Uh huh...
Janeway: I still can't forget what I saw in that Jeffrey's tube between you and ensign Kim, I can't believe you would stoop so low, you don't even like guys.
Seven: I swing both ways captain.
Janeway: Blackmail huh?
Seven: Jealous?
Janeway: Word hasn't spread around about you and Kim has it?
Seven: It could do...
Janeway: Is that so?
Seven: Kim might blab.
Janeway: Perhaps a promotion to lieutenant would shut him up...

jespah January 26 2013 12:53 AM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!
EMH: It says here, Mr. Kim, that your fate is to be decided upon by a vote of the senior staff. There are three choices - promotion, noogies and the airlock.
HK: I've already tried the last two. Can I just get the promotion this time?
EMH: Say pretty please.
HK: Pretty please.
EMH: Okay, Option One.
Neelix: I made a little something I like to call Noogie Surprise, Mr. Kim.
Paris: This isn't what noogies are.
HK: It does look kinda like food, unlike most of what you make.
Neelix: For that crack, I'm voting for airlock.
Paris: For that crack, I'm voting for promotion.
Chakotay: See, when you get promoted, you get to wear all sorts of crap in your pockets, just like I'm doing.
HK: All I want to do is emulate you. See, I've got a little crap in my pockets, too.
Chakotay: So you do. Option One.
HK: Where do I see myself in five years? Holding down your jobs, actually.
Two crewmen (in unison): Option Three.
HK: Damn, I was so close to passing the interview!
Torres: Have sex with me and I'll vote any way you like.
Chakotay: I like Option One.
Torres: Are you referring to sex or the vote?
Chakotay: What's your idea of Option Three?
Seven: I'll Option Three you like you've never been Option Three'd before.
HK: Uh, are we talking about the vote or sex?
Seven: There's a vote?
Janeway: The votes are in. It's broken down as follows - the EMH, Paris and Chakotay voted for Option One. Torres and you voted for Option Two. Apparently it's some new sex position, so we'll try that out later. Neelix and a couple of crewmen we'll never see again voted for Option Three.
Seven: I thought noogies were the position of man on top, woman in the Alpha Quadrant.
Janeway: More or less (she checks a PADD). Okay, looks like Suder, who isn't even in this caption contest, voted for Option Two. So it's up to me to break the tie.
Seven: Option One is also a sex position.
Janeway: Tell me more.
Seven: It's two women shoving a hedgehog out of an airlock. And then we wrestle in jello.
Janeway: Is it lime jello?
Seven: It can be.
Janeway: Then I'm voting for Option One.

And so, dear readers, this is how Harry Kim was promoted.

JirinPanthosa January 26 2013 05:59 AM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

HARRY: Come on Captain Schweitzer. All the other bridge crew were assimilated. How could you possibly not promote me?
SCHWEITZER: Sorry Harry. Your talent is for Ops, not command.
HARRY: You made Icheb your first officer!
SCHWEITZER: He's a very bright young lad.
HARRY: Well maybe I'll find alternate universe where somebody else survived the Borg attack, and get them to promote me!

HARRY: Captain Paris, Commander Neelix, I made you your favorite dish.
PARIS: Thank you Ensign. Maybe I should re-assign you to mess hall to replace Neelix!

HARRY: Captain Chakotay, maybe I could replace B'elana as chief engineer, or Tuvok as chief of security?
CHAKOTAY: Crewman Kim, I am not in the business of promoting Maquis traitors.

HARRY: Captain Logan, I was thinking. Since we lost the entire senior staff in the Borg attack, and I am the only surviving bridge officer, and the only survivor who has ever commanded the ship...
LOGAN: No, I've got a more important job for you Harry. We're entering a region of space dominated by females, and we need a 'comfort boy' in order to dock in their ports.

HARRY: Seven?
ANIKA: Who is Seven? My name is Anika Hansen. And you are the cutest comfort boy they've ever given me.
HARRY: Umm...I don't suppose you could help me get a promotion?
ANIKA: I'll tell your Captain Hogan he can't dock in our port unless he promotes you.

Triskelion January 26 2013 01:14 PM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

Sorry Kim, regulations state you have to be "Fully functional and anatomically correct" to qualify for promotion.

But I'm a real boy!

Neelix: Gentlemen, nature's never-fail aphrodisiac: Talaxian lemur penis! It'll put hair in your teeth.

Paris: Pass.

Kim: An afro like Tuvok's?

My people have a name for it, Harry. We call it "Futile ass."
I thought that was a Borg term?
So? We should call it something else?

Woman: It's not the size of your torpedo, it's the dispersion of the fusion.

Kim: Huh?

Woman: It's been an hour. I give up.

Oh yes, Harry! Assimilate me into your Collective! to engineering?
It's been an hour. I give up.

Seven: The regulations for promotion were not as illogical as I first thought.
Janeway: Told ya. Now shut up and assimilate me. I've got a boiler full of Talaxian lemur.

R. Star January 27 2013 12:56 AM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

Chakotay: We're going to attack that Kazon encampment over that ridge.
Kim: Shouldn't we call for reinforcements?
Chakotay: I'm a main character. Nothing bad can happen to me. Follow me!

Hogan: How'd you survive that ambush Harry? Everyone else died.
Kim: I curled into a fetal position and started crying like a little girl. The Kazon decided they could harm Voyager more by letting me live..

Neelix: I looked up old Indian customs and apparently we're supposed to dine on his flesh to honor his memory. And smoke lots of dope.
Paris: Way ahead of you Neelix.
Kim: Wait! That's right, Chakotay is dead! I might be up for a promotion!

ECH: In my first role as the ship's new first officer, I am to evaluate all the personnel files. It shows here that you're on pace to break the existing tenure as longest ensign. Your request for promotion will be considered.

Janeway: Promote Kim?
Seven: According to my projections his rate of whining will increase by a rate of 30% a day, until he finally does. He will be bothering you an average of 28 times a day on the issue tomorrow for example.
Janeway: Ugh, promote him just to shut him up. Give him the news.

Kim: I'm promoted to lieutenant? And you're my promotion gift?
Seven: You may service the collective now, lieutenant.
Kim: This is all a dream isn't it?
Seven: Mmm-hmm. You didn't think I'd throw myself at you a second time in the real world did you? Your wet dream will be waking you up momentarily.

LeadHead January 27 2013 01:25 AM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!
Thanks for the win!
Kim: I think it's time that I get a promotion.

Paris: <Spit take>

Kim: Why are you handling my yearly review?

The Doctor: Since I'm a hologram, I can multitask better. I'm checking my emails, updating my Spacebook status and making dinner reservations while I do this.

Kim: So when are we going to talk about me?

The Doctor: Are you still here?

Kim: Seriously. Commander, I should get a bump in rank. I've got this phaser and I know how to use it!

Chakotay: No, you don't.

Kim: No, I don't, but I can learn!

Hogan: Harry, we heard what happened down on the planet...

Kim: Really, guys, it wasn't THAT bad.

Chakotay: So then, Harry tried to show me how good he was with the hand phaser...

B'Elanna: And?

Chakotay: The Doctor said his self-inflicted phaser wound isn't serious.

Janeway: I'm sick of hearing about this thing about Harry needing a promotion.

Seven: Shall I inform him of your decision, Captain?

Janeway: Yes...

Seven: This is your consolation prize, Crewman Kim.

Deranged Nasat January 27 2013 01:30 AM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

Janeway (watching the screen): "Look at them, Seven. Look at this crew. My god, they make me sick. Spineless worms, the lot of them! All unworthy of service to the Great Janeway. Even knowing I monitor them at all times, they're slack in their duties. My Delta Quadrant empire won't forge itself!"

Seven: "Your reign of terror is becoming lax, Captain. I recommend a random punishment, to decrease morale".

Janeway (still in astrometrics, monitoring): "Excellent idea. But who? Hmm, I don't even know who those two crewmen are, they're so beneath my notice. I guess it's to be mister Kim then. Enforcer Seven, go give Mr. Kim his new assignment".

Seven: "You got that, handsome? The Captain wants you in the kitchen tonight. You're to prepare a meal worthy of her personage, a meal worthy of a queen! Failure will result in the harshest of penalties. Do you understand?"

Kim: *Gulp* "Yes, Mistress Seven!"

Kim: "I swear, these are the plants I need, Chakotay. Look, please, I'm desperate! Remember that time when you got Seska pregnant and I backed you when you begged the Captain not to space you, because Seska had supposedly raped you? Do you know what I risked for you? You owe me!"

Chakotay: "Damn you, Kim! Fine, we'll take these supplies onboard".

Neelix: "These look delicious, Harry, but I don't think the Captain will be impressed. She's in a foul, sadistic mood today. She had Carey disintegrated this morning when he misprogrammed the replicator and her morning coffee was crossed with fertilizer for the arboretum".

Paris: "Ooh, tough luck, Harry. I call dibs on your stuff! What do you think, Neelix, is he going out airlock two or three?"

Kim: "Don't write me off yet! I have a plan to get through this. Here, take one. There's enough for all the senior officers! Pass them round!"

Doctor: "A most impressive ploy, Mr. Kim. With the Captain and all the senior officers - by which I should say, all the organic senior officers - dead, I am the natural choice to assume command. The stalks of the Deathly Murderbush Plant are quite, quite deadly. Well done".

Kim: "I had to save myself somehow. Now, about that promotion...

Doctor: "You didn't say the magic words"

Kim: "About that promotion, Your Supremeness?"

Doctor: "Better. Okay, you're First Officer. And you get a rank of Commander".

Melakon January 27 2013 02:45 AM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!
CREWMAN KIM: I don't get it. How come everyone on board is an officer but me?
MALE OFFICER: Beats the hell out of me, Harry. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a "personal" meeting in the Captain's quarters.
COMMANDER CHAKOTAY: Yes, Harry, I heard. Have you considered facial ornamentation?
COMMANDER TORRES: Harry wants a promotion? HAHAHAHAHAHA! You're joking, right?
COMMANDER SEVEN: I've been ordered to give you an entrance exam regarding your request for promotion. You will comply.
CREWMAN KIM: Really? That's great, Commander! Uh, I think.
CAPTAIN JANEWAY (watching screen): That was IT?! Sort of short and quick, wasn't it? And I mean short.
COMMANDER SEVEN: He did request a make up exam. I refused.
CAPTAIN JANEWAY: I can understand why.
CREWMAN KIM: Captain Joe, everyone's been promoted and transferred off Voyager except me! How can I become an ensign?
CAPTAIN JOE: You can start by licking my holographic boots, Crewman.
ADMIRAL NEELIX: Congratulations, Ensign Kim! I knew you'd finally get there!
ADMIRAL PARIS: It's like I told you, Harry. Good things come to those who wait.
ENSIGN KIM: Yeah. Big deal. I retire tomorrow.

T'Girl January 27 2013 08:23 AM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!
Neelix: "The key to promotion, is to create a opening for advancement."

Kim: "This smells wonderful, what are they?"

Neelix: "A selection of Mister Tuvok's internal organs."

Paris: "Good luck Harry, as our new security chief."


Triskelion January 27 2013 12:42 PM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

Chakotay: And then Harry stormed out of the ready room holding back tears.
Torres: What a douche-bag.
Chakotay: That's Ensign to you, Torres.
Torres: Sorry. What an Ensign-bag.

Isis January 27 2013 04:40 PM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

Kim: "I told you we could conquer this planet. Will you promote me now?"

Chakotay: "We'll consider it, but the likelihood is low...this planet is uninhabited."

Janeway: "To be honest, Chakotay, Harry doesn't deserve a promotion for convincing us to conquer an uninhabited planet. I'll promote him when pigs fly." <brief pause> "On second thought, I don't want to take a chance that I might actually have to promote that wannabe that makes the cast of The Big Bang Theory look cool. Let me change that to 'I'll promote Harry if and when a woman agrees to date him.'"

Kim (to self): "This is genuinely scary. But I know Seven is acting her heart out for me...and I really do want that promotion."

EMH: "Well, according to Captain Janeway's Spacebook page, she has some misgivings but as a Starfleet officer with integrity, she's promoted you. But don't celebrate yet. Let me run a diagnostic to make sure my cognition subroutine isn't malfunctioning..."

Neelix: "Well I never thought I'd see the day, but congratulations on your promotion, Harry. To celebrate, I made this special dish."

Neelix (to self): "Dare we tell him that while he was promoted one level, everyone else was promoted two?"

Triskelion January 29 2013 04:33 PM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

Harry: Sir, Neelix told Hogan to pick up some humanoid skeletal remains at the mouth of a cave.

Chakotay: So? What could go wrong?

Captain, Chakotay is claiming responsibility for Seska's child.

So? What could go wrong?

Harry: B'Elanna confided in me her secret love for you.

Seven: So? What could go wrong?

Doc, I'm concerned about these tremors and weird flying bat-things.

So? What could go wrong?

Doctor Neelix: Have you gentlemen tried my 'Senior Staff Suprise?"
First Officer Kim: Oooh! Can I try one?
Doctor Neelix: So? What could go wrong?
Captain Paris: First planet with surfing, I'm outta here.

Triskelion January 30 2013 06:48 PM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!

Chakotay: Word is, JJ Abrams is going to direct Star Wars, too.
B'Elanna: Just as I predicted. They canceled Firefly, and now the whole genre is going to Stovokor without a bat'leth.


Ln X February 1 2013 09:27 PM

Re: 100th VOY caption contest! How Harry Kim Became Promoted!
This contest is closed the next one can be found here.

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