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LeadHead January 13 2013 09:55 AM

Movie Caption Contest #229:
Hello everyone and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Zapp Brannigan's Ship to Ship intimacy" Award, going to:


BriGuy wrote: (Post 7518250)

Beverly: Captain, we're concerned. I have reason to believe that your... ramming the Enterprise into the Scimitar over and over again may be caused by some sort of deep-seated sexual frustration.

Picard: Don't be absurd, doctor.

Riker: With all due respect, captain, the "ramming" has produced a dozen shuttlecrafts already, and the Scimitar is filing for support payments.

Next, we have the "Logical Response" Award, going to:


Herkimer Jitty wrote: (Post 7481266)

McCoy: "Damn it, man, you green blooded hobgoblin!"

Spock: "If you'll pardon me for a moment doctor, I am recieving a hail from 1-800-Go-Fuck-Yourself."

Next, we have the "Constructive Criticism" Award, going to:


Nerys Myk wrote: (Post 7484950)

DECKER: Relax, its was just an early review. I'm sure the later ones will be more positive.

We have an extra award, going to:


Maurice wrote: (Post 7491103)

KELLEY: They what?!
NIMOY: Picked Bill to direct Star Trek V.


Finn wrote: (Post 7495768)

Beverly: You gotta do something about Data. He rediscovered a video of Tasha, Deanna and I showering after a swim from our first year on the D. He created a holoprogram out of it and keeps the file in his quarters.

Picard: Number One, can you deal with Data about this?

Riker: I'll take care of it. *leaves*

Beverly: *smirks*

Picard: What?

Crusher: I didn't mention the video also includes Worf in the background.

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Lets keep things going!


LeadHead January 13 2013 10:00 AM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

Picard: Our plan of attack is the people who have never spoken on screen to go in first. Data, Worf and I will wait and see if any of you survive before going in.

Kirk: Remember, if it's an attractive woman who broke into my quarters, I'll handle it myself.

Spock: Okay, so maybe Scotty isn't the best engineer in the fleet.

Mage January 13 2013 10:08 AM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

Picard realized to late that his idea to send in the security teams as cannon fodder for the Borg should have been mentioned BEFORE he gave them phaser rifles.

Triskelion January 13 2013 12:45 PM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

If any of you are assimilated...please disregard the Locutus memory engrams of my time at Utopia Planetia with Scoutmaster Rick.

shivkala January 13 2013 02:25 PM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

Picard: Okay, that last engagement was a disaster. Crewman, I told you to fire a warning shot across the Borg's nose, not up it!

Crewman: Sorry sir! I'm doing my best!

Picard: Who gave that man a phaser?

Lt. Asshole: I did sir. He's my cousin.

Picard: Who is he?

Worf: He's an asshole, sir.

Picard: I know that! What's his name?

Worf: That is his name sir. Asshole, Lt. Asshole!

Picard: And his cousin?

Worf: He's an asshole too sir. Ensign Philip Asshole!

Picard: How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?

[Everyone other than Picard, Worf, and Data raise their phaser rifle]

Entire Security Detail: Yo!

Picard: I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes! Alright, let's try this again, and keep firing, assholes!

Kirk: So, let me get this straight, we're in the 23rd Century and the most effective way you guys have to seal off quarters is some tape and a box with red and green lights? Where's the forcefield? Who's responsible for this piss-poor job of securing Spock's quarters?

Lt.: That would be me sir, Lt. Asshole.

Kirk: Forget it, I'm not doing this bit again...

Saavik: Mr. Spock, take a note: Chili night is to be cancelled from now on...

Nerys Myk January 13 2013 05:18 PM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

KIRK: Could you guys play old-timey football on your own time? We got a security breach here!

R. Star January 13 2013 05:31 PM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

Picard: So, any questions?
Goldshirt: Sir, don't you think it's a bad idea to take the one guy who knows how to access the computers with us on the mission?
Data: My study on dramatic plots indicates the odds of my capture at 98.836 percent.
Picard: Who cares? Make it so.

Kirk: So we have cheesy leather vests and helmets? At least we -try- and protect our security personnel unlike those 24th century hosers.

Saavik: Captain Spock? Wake up! The abandon ship order was just issued.
Spock: I just had a vision of my future. If I survive, I'll end up going back in time and causing the destruction of Vulcan. Much better I die with dignity here.

BriGuy January 13 2013 05:45 PM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

Spock: My apologies. I should have instead insulted generations of McCoys.

Nerys Myk January 13 2013 06:07 PM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

SAAVIK: Will this affect my GPA?

Herkimer Jitty January 13 2013 11:42 PM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

Picard: "The Borg are far deadlier than anything you've encountered in all of your encounters. Except that last encounter, of course, because that's when you encountered them."

Kirk: "How'd he get in? We had the 'no entry' tape up! Unless... our culprit doesn't know how to read! He could be unstoppable!"

Saavik: "Worst. Pink Floyd concert. Ever."

Balrog January 14 2013 12:06 AM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

Picard: Rifles up everyone who's scared shitless.

Kirk: Guards, make sure no one enters this room until I come and get you.
Guard #1: Not to enter the room... even if you come and get us.
Guard #2: <hic!>
Kirk: No, no. Until I come and get you.
Guard #1: Until you come and get us, we're not to leave the room.
Kirk: No, no, no. You stay here and make sure no one enters.
Guard #1: And you'll come and get us.
Guard #2: <hic!>
Kirk: Right.
Guard #1: We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop anyone from leaving the room.
Kirk: No, no. Entering the room.
Guard #1: Entering the room, yes.
Kirk: All right?
Guard #2: <hic!>
Guard #1: Right. Oh, if, if, if, uh, if, if, uh, if, if, if, we... oh, if... oh...
Kirk: Look, it's quite simple. You just stay here, and make sure no one enters the room. All right?
Guard #2: <hic!>
Guard #1: Oh, I remember, uh, can someone enter the room with us?
Kirk: No, no, no, no, you just keep them out of here, and make sure...
Guard #1: Oh yeah, we'll keep them out here, obviously, but if they had to enter, and we were with them...
Kirk: No, just keep them here...
Guard #1: Until you, or anyone else...
Kirk: No, not anyone else. Just me.
Guard #1: Just you.
Guard #2: <hic!>
Kirk: Get back.
Guard #1: Get back.
Kirk: All right?
Guard #1: Right, we'll stay here until you get back.

Spock: Maybe I shouldn't have had that second bowl of termites after all...

Herkimer Jitty January 14 2013 12:14 AM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

Picard: "You, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you are with me."

Nerys Myk January 14 2013 12:39 AM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

CARL: It's medicinal. I got a prescription from McCoy, if you want to see it.

Triskelion January 14 2013 08:40 AM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

Picard: Let me...just go change my shirt.

Phasers ready, gentlemen. The giant space ovum was last seen in here.

Spock: In the future when another ship captain wishes to come alongside and lock on, you might merely say "permission denied" - instead of presenting the docking bay and then torpedoing him between the nacelles.

Nerys Myk January 14 2013 08:55 AM

Re: Movie Caption Contest #229:

PICARD (thinking): Perhaps I should have explained the plan for a frontal assault spearheaded by security before I passed out the weapons.

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