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Guy Gardener September 8 2012 08:43 AM

I'm rewatching Merlin.
1x01 the call of dragon.

They all look so young, but more so the castle looks very clean. it must be for the next 5 years that no one cleans the bastard up. they're haming it up with the incidental music a little. I'm not sure if they haven't got the hang of the acoustics, filming in a castle or if... IT'S GWEN FROM TORCHWOOD! Oh she must have been the old hag all along too... i never understood why the dragon got top billing, is it just becuase he was in Alien?

Arthur and Merlin meet. Not so much the bromance at first light. Although some nice stunts with that servant boy running about with a dart bord... is gwen a friend of a girlfriend? No wonder uthur was such a miserable prick if some witch offed his girlfriend in the pilot.

Poor collin being pelted with rotting vegetables. You'd have to wonder if that took 80 takes or more that... Good lord Gweniverre is funny. they totally forgot to right her as funny in the year to come.

Merlin and Arthur fight again. Why are they fighting? Surely theyshould be able to sort out all their problems with a kiss and a cuddle. but this battle in the market place is just a fantastic use of slap stick, and then he takes his shirt off and asks they old guy to rub essential oils into his bruises (yes, seriusly!)

Good lord!

A mysterial voice is calling for him telepathically and he just follows iit.

how amazing that some one so niave hasn't yet been eaten.
(Merlin talking about Arthur) "i don't see what this has to do with me, if anyone wants to kill him, I'll help them!"

"No, no there must be another Arthur, becuase this one's an idiot."

i was put out by the romantic pairings the last time around.

They were wrong.

Arthur after Morgana, and melrin Chasing Gwen.

But then if there weren't hurdles everywhere the complete story would have been told in 4 episodes.

Is that really Eve Myles singing?


And after the webs clear form the final battle, so hilarious 'You shall become my sons manservant"


But he pardigm is set up and it's been rally fun. :)

8 out of 10.

Guy Gardener September 8 2012 09:28 AM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
1x02 Valiant.

Jeebus, how on Earth's am I supposed to take Gary from two pints of lager packets of crisps seriously as a villain and a Knight... Although he pulls it off, but he's mostly just scowling and killing, although you do tend to believe that the north was much larger int he past.

Micky mouse in fantasia doesn't have a smote on Merlin.


Merlin appreciating Arthur as more than a Dick, as the contest of champions goes by is swift. but the underlying contempt is still there which isn't going to vanish any time soon so loong as merlin is mucking out his slops.

The threat this week is not a shield with snakes that come to life. the threat this week that same as everu other week hence is that Merlin learns is that he word is wirth dirt and he has to shut up and work in secret if he doesn't want to live in the dungeon.

The second trope they set up is that merlin does all the work and Arthur reaps the gllory.

Nice moment of indesicion as well when merlin tries to tel the truth and uthur just p[iles on him.


Guy Gardener September 8 2012 10:14 AM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
1x03 The Mark of Nimueh.

The Bionic Woman's got a harrowing plague chalking up the locals into albino corpses.

"Merlin is such an iiiiiiiiiiiidiot, there's no way he's a sorcerer."

it's episode 3, and yet every one is acting like they've been friends for decades.

Watching Merlin protest that he's not in love with Gwen is hilarious.

So in this one Merlin learns some hubris, he plays hero and Gwen winds up in line for the gallows... Are they reusing the same cgi every week with the dragon those cheap buggers?

The monster is quite brutal but it's all in the dark, but really if the monster is infecting the water supply, is that because of sweat or pee?

Gosh it's always the same.

me, me, why can't people see how awesome I am.

OH, more bionic woman next week too.

5 out of 10.

Guy Gardener September 8 2012 10:57 AM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
1x04 the Poisoned Chalice.

Now this one is a right proper knights quest.

Y'know if merlin was Arthur's girlfriend.

(I really do think that they would make a great couple.)

Dear god it's a dinosaur!

But it's weird that Arthur is displaying such complicated and potent magic while he's asleep running in and out of a fever coma.

I can't wait for Uthur to die. "Just a sevant boy, just a servant boy, just a servant boy." the bloke is a broken record, and such an ass about it too. So the Merlin says, look there's poison! Uthur calls him a liar and the only way to prove that he's telling the truth is drink the poison and die, or drink the not poison and be vivisected.


The frow on Anthony Heads brow looks positively Romulan.

8 out of 10.

Methos September 8 2012 11:09 AM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
Loving your 'snarky reviews' here lol

Haven't rewatched season 1 in a while myself, might have to now lol


Guy Gardener September 8 2012 12:39 PM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
(thank you.)

1x05. Lancelot.

10 times more dreamy than a 50 year old Richard Geer, the hunk of the show swaddles into camelot and the girls go "ooooooooooo". Well actually they're still trying to set Arthur up with his sister. Now although he's pretty, and he can fight, Lancelot isn't that bright... How can he be unaware that only noble birthed lads can be knights when he's all Arnold Rimmer, up the ziggeral lickity split?

Reminds me of Jethro Bodine wanting to be a double nought spy with only a 6th grade education to back him up.

At the time we thought, in the final season, Lancelot and Gwen are going to cuckold Arthur something fierce and it's going to be hilarious. but it all happened early last year and it was weak. Gwen wasn't in love, she was enchanted. A bloke with shoulders like that doesn't need help with the ladies!

Good lord that Griffen is beautiful. So beautiful.

What a pity we didn't see it eating the peasants.

That would have been funny.

Merlin is an idiot constantly railing against the status quo, then wondering why his comeuppance hurts so much. but then that's a literary tool right? I saw a snakes and ladders set with shot glasses the other day.


How on Earth can they spend o much time building this guy off and then he just moseys off into the sun set like John Wayne not to be seen for a year at least.

5 out of 10

Guy Gardener September 8 2012 01:49 PM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
1x06 A remedy to cure all ills.

The plan should be, when some new bastard arrives in Camelot: "Kill them".

It's just gross negligence to wait for these people to prove that they're evil and only there to eat you. Just pour hot water on them from the battlements when they're knocking on the port cullis to get in.

So this whacky burnt Monk shows up and cures Mogana's encephalitus, which he most likely caused in the first place and then launches a smear campaign against Giaus. This monk it seems was taught seduction by Palpatine. He's really laying it on thick for Merlin to rule the universe by his side.

The Monk usually plays a pretty boy (Green Wing, Black Books.) so being a evil deush was a pleasant change of pace.

And the Dragon down below is such a &&&&ing Yoko that he convinces Gaius to let it play out becuse the kids need uthur to die before their destiony can start to rock out with it's cock out.

It's just a parade of morons this week.

Though the Collin and Bradley show is fantastic how they teae and flirt and just roll with each others punches verabally, add a bit of slap stick and you wonder if there's anything these two can't do?


Guy Gardener September 8 2012 10:17 PM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
1x07 The Gates of Avalon.

What the hell did I say about killing strangers who act peculiar? Good lord, a father and daughter who carried staffs carved with runes and giant gems mounted on the top end? Those things just screamed magic! But no, Arthur is thinking with his balls, and no one who he wants to get his end away with could possibly be evil! ...EVERYONE that kid wants to get his end away with is evil! Point in fact: His sister. I really wonder why they steered away from that in later seasons? For the most part 'incest' has been part of most of the legends I've read or seen (I've read morte de arthur in middle English, but I didn't understand most of it, yet some how I passed the class.)

There was a cat fight with the starlets. Meh. I grew up on Dynasty, now those were cat fights!

Merlin has a worse niche than Smallville. Rack up the magic freak of the week, and knock em down. I need some secondary stories and a binding plot running in the back ground and make some damn headway on those love triangles. iut's all so thin. We're past the half way mqrk on seaon one.

Uthur has is just the worst judge of character.

Although this is the episode were Merlin gets hs magical bazooka, whch we only see maybe once more two years later. The guy gets leveled up yet the writers seem to foreddabout it thereafter.


I will never tire of seeing merlin in the stocks being pelted.


6 out of ten.

Guy Gardener September 8 2012 11:08 PM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
1x08 the beginning of the End.

Mordred is how they used to write Murdered. A sort of prophetic name, but here is the origin of Camelot's nemesis, a tiny little innocent boy. Would you go back in time and make sure George Bush never sobered up? But seriously, what sort of idiot wanders into Camelot when it's an obvious death sentence? Chris Rock might as well open for a Klan Rally.

Merlins boots walking by themselves was just adorable.

Katie McGrath is laying it on abit thick with her concern for little sick Mordred, even though it's nice that the give her somethign to do and it sets herup for her fall from grace later on down the road.

"there's something janging"

Hilarous skit there with Merlin stealing/levitating keys to hover behind Arthur's vantage point.They can all do funny quite well, it's just when they get serioius that they run into trouble.


Even more set up.

This is indeed the beginning of the end.

Oh no, they're "really" going to kill the little boy!

A few twists and turns in this one, becuase mordred keeps getting recaptched and now a "complicated" Hogans Heroes style sting. But seriously this place gets sieged all the time yet there's this grate one horse tug away from Camelot falling?

Uthur threatens to kill his own daughter?

This asshole is runningth over with pride.

7 out of ten.

Guy Gardener September 9 2012 02:59 AM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
1x09 Excalibur.

A zombie knight that cant be killed is challenging all of Uthur's knights one by one to single combat and killing them.

Surprisingly this was a good Uthur episode. he loves his son. prehaps too much when he's supposed to be looking after everyone's sons. but finally the ban on magic has become clear. A midwife used a spell that killed his wife to give him a son. that's a very personal thing to do. the night before Kennedy started the embargo against Cuba he sent all his white house aides across the ins and outs of Washington DC to gather up all or as many Cudban Cigars as they could find. Same difference.

Michelle Ryan is so dreamy.

Merlin was really keen the first time they met, you'd have to wonder how's he's sealing suppressing that ongoing attraction?

The forging of Excalibur. Superb.

Lady of the lake. fantastic.

Uthur talking to Merlin about looking after Arthur once he's dead while dressing into his armour. Terrific.

A much simpler story than last week, but hells did that dragon get pissedoff.

8 out of ten.

Kelthaz September 9 2012 03:56 AM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
Uther is the only reason that I watched Merlin. The more screen time he gets the better the episode. Well, except for maybe the troll episode.

Guy Gardener September 9 2012 05:09 AM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
But the lady playing the troll, Sarah Parish, is gorgeous, which made this hilarious schism when she acted like a troll during meals... But then I thought about the same when she was a Spider-Lady trying to eat Doctor Who.

1x10 The Moment of Truth

Merlin goes home to Rock Ridge to fight a dashing young Starfleet Doctor. "Dashing Young" shucks... They spirit glued a dozen huge scars all over Bashir's face and the lad is producing this deep booming voice that starts off some where near his ankles and well... "It's called acccccting."

Merlni has his own journey to make because his mommy is in trouble, and he's amazed that his royal friends 9and gwen follow him in to hell and back becuse even as an idiot jester they think he's been pulling his weight during all thee adventures where it seemed like Arthur saved the day. How comforting.

morganna is abetter swordswoman than Arthur is a swordsman?

so Merlin learns that he is loved and respected, and that he''s lying to those that love and respect him and would still kill him if they knew the truth... Such internal frakking conflict.

Nice fight scene, but merlin Tornado looked tiny and weak and too much collateral damage, however there was this one stunt guy being dragged by his horse who was BOUNCING behind his ride. Which made me queasy becuae you gotta wonder how controlled that was. Bloke could be hurt bad.

I found the buddy relationship witht he local boy contrived, and I have to agree with him, that if his friends hadn't followed him, merlin could have execute the marauders single handed. Imagine a coule dozen lightning strikes on their camp while they were sleeping? But it all worked out how it did.

7 out of 10.

Guy Gardener September 9 2012 07:02 PM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
1x12 To kill the king.

If you're a complete bastard to the core does that count as an inner bastard, if there's just a consistent mass of bastardicity... but merlin is doing a hamlet all contemplating his navel bout whether to allow Morgana's plot to kill her dad because that dragon thinks that it's about tim Arthur stepped up tot he plate.

Reminds me of babylon5.

"But we can't both be Emperor."

"Of course not. One of you will be Emperor after the other is dead."

But because Uthur executes Gwen's pappy, and locks Morgana up in his dungeon, it feels like it's time to go with the flow. You would have to wonder how perfect the future would be if merlin didn't continuously disagree with the Dragon? Kill the Uthur, kill Mordred, kill Morgana... The thousand years of peace and prosperity that was supposed to happen gets dumbed down into a threesome and a dirty week end. How sad.

Bad Merlin.

Merlin remember that he has a boomstick.

Good Merlin.

7 out of ten.

Guy Gardener September 9 2012 11:09 PM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
(actually) 1x11. the Labyrinth of Grendal.

Arthur kills a Unicorn. Every week they kill a horrible monster, and then all breath a sigh of relief. You would think that all those monster would actually seek out a way to have a curse rouse up upon their termination? Poison the wells and all.

And really if Unicorn steaks are just scrumdiddlyumptions, doesn't that make the unicorns kinda assholes for keep their asses out of the the local butchers?

A ridiculous moral fable where Arthur has to prove that he's not a dick, as if good people who are hungry wouldn't want to eat a unicorn either? i mean seriously he catches a thief, and to ass this teast, he has to not cut the guys hands off as says the law? ridiculous.... And it goes on.

Shades of the Princess Bride with drinking this poison, which just turns into a huge test of Arthurs nobility.

99 times out a hundred is a unicorn is shot in a forest, that shooting is going to be done by a Millers son or a mercinary, but these tests are to make sure a king will be a good king.

I smell a set up.


4 out of 10.

Korob September 10 2012 11:35 AM

Re: I'm rewatching Merlin.
I have the feeling you're not enjoying a lot of these?

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