Voyager for people who hate Voyager
All you Voyager people should keep in mind that this thread is written to address a specific group of people:
Voyager for people who hate Voyager
If you are a Voyager fan, then you will be unhappy with this thread. Sorry.
Because you're a Trek fan, you've probably already seen an episode of Voyager here and there, and you probably didn't like what you saw. After all, that's why you didn't watch the entire run, right?
Oh, I know there are some of you out there who actually like Voyager (go figure) this guide isn't for you. This guide is for people who:
- Find Neelix to be annoying
- Think Chakotay is a meathead
- Hear chicken clucking whenever Janeway speaks
- fast forward through Seven of Nine and the Doctor's unfortunate bouts with singing
If you find yourself agreeing to those 4 basic tenets, you've come to the right place!
This guide lists episodes in the order of their airing, and not in any order of preference.
So here we go, Star Trek Voyager, with most of the suck removed!
This is the pilot, so you're probably stuck watching it either way. It's somewhat entertaining, although you'll probably wonder why Janeway purposefully strands her crew in the Delta Quadrant while violating the prime directive. Oh well! There are explosions!
Time travel paradox story. Ultimately forgettable, but not atrocious.
3. Time and Again
Reset button episode. No reason to watch it.
Vidiians beam Neelix's lungs out of his body. Ridiculous use of hologram technology here, but the episode isn't horrible. Watchable.
5. The Cloud
The crew fiddles around with a space amoeba. Not bad, not good.. just there. Watchable, but not good.
6. Eye of the Needle
The crew finds a wormhole too small to fly through. One of the best of Season 1. Watchable, mildly interesting.
7. Ex Post Facto
Tom Paris accused of murder. Does anyone in the universe believe he is guilty? Easily skippible. Watchable, but boring.
Harry Kim's first foray into being Voyager's official "displaced out of reality" guy. Watchable, somewhat entertaining. It's like a mediocre TNG episode. Chakotay gets a little annoying.
9. Prime Factors
Tuvok's illogical behavior is, for the first time, a plot point.. not that this makes it excusable. A completely forgettable episode. Watchable but boring.
10. State of Flux
The beginning of the Chakotay/Seska soap opera drama. This particular episode is alright. Watchable.
11. Heroes and Demons
Holodeck malfunction (the first of MANY). Pass.
Chakotay is a ghost. If you're like me, that pretty much seals it into the "pass" category.
Torres gets a lot of stories about her Klingon half vs her human half through out Voyager. This is the best one of them all. Watchable, and interesting.
An excellent performan by James Sloyan makes this one watchable, despite being a Neelix episode. This is the Manhattan Project with alien juice hosed on.
15. Learning Curve
It's "Heartbreak Ridge" except without all the stuff that made Heartbreak Ridge good. Pass.
1. The 37's
Apparently aliens love to kidnap humans from Earth and drop them on far flung planets. Heck, it happened to Amelia Earhart! The next thing you know they'll kidnap cowboys! Watchable, but just barely. Easily skippable if needed.
43 minutes of "Is that Nog? I bet that's Nog. Yeah, it's got to be Nog." For the record it IS, in fact. Nog. Unfortunately, the episode is a complete pass.
Holodeck malfunction. pass.
Kes and Neelix may or may not have a baby. No redeeming quality here. Pass.
5. Non Sequitur
Harry Kim is (again) shunted to an alternate reality. This episode is pretty good except for Tom Paris' completely nonsense handheld "personal transporter". He might as well have a wormhole belt. Watchable, interesting.
Voyager get's so distorted, it's as if the set crew moved the sets around! Watchable, but boring.
Paris and Neelix fight over Kes. As if that weren't bad enough, they also find a baby. Unfit for human consumption, avoid at all costs.
8. Persistence of Vision
Holodeck Malfunction. Reset Button. Pass.
Chakotay episode. Indian mysticism. Megapass.
10. Cold Fire
Kes episode. End of the Caretaker story. Watchable, but just barely.
Chakotay/Seska soap opera arc, part 2. This is the one where she impregnates herself. Pass.
The crew does irrelevant things on an irrelevant planet. Not atrocious, but no reason to watch.
Robots trick Torres into building more of them. Darn those robots! Watchable, but not terribly interesting.
Voyager steals an episode of Stargate and replays it almost line for line. Aliens who suck more than the Kazon are revealed. Pass.
Going faster than warp 10 causes Paris and Janeway to turn into salamanders and have babies together. Absolutely the worst episode of the Star Trek franchise ever produced to date. It's so bad that the guy who wrote it even admitted it was his worst work. It is unfit to be watched by anyone, and may God have mercy on your soul.
The episode that shows why Vulcans shouldn't mind meld with serial killers. Watchable and suprisingly interesting, but you'll solve the "mystery" about 10 minutes in.
An AI controlled cardassian missile is on course to explode a nearby planet, which it has mistaken for it's target. A Torres episode. This episode is actually more than watchable.. in fact, it's almost good.
18. Death Wish
Q is in it. Riker is in it. Beginning of the Q arc. Quinn plotline is mildly interesting. Ultimately unfulfilling, but watchable.
A great one-off Doctor character piece with romance element. Watchable, and pretty good.
Neelix is the host of a morning talk show.. and then things get worse from there. Part of the Chakotay/Seska soap opera arc. Pass.
Duplicate Voyagers occupy the same space. The real Harry Kim dies and is replaced with an alternate from another dimension. Same for Naomi Wildman. Watchable, and somewhat entertaining.
Tuvok is trapped on a planet. With old people.. who look like children. I think you know where I'm going here: pass.
23. The Thaw
Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley is the most awful clown you could ever possibly imagine. He's actually worse than Neelix. Awful, do not watch.
You know how the government is always trying to create super soldiers in the movies? This episode shows you what happens when the transporter combines the annoyance of Neelix with the boredom of Tuvok. The result? The perfectly engineered most annoying character ever created for any Star Trek episode.. ever. This episode is completely awful, and should be locked away for public safety. Just thinking about it gives me the willies, I wish I could unwatch it. There's still hope for you! Avoid at all costs!
Janeway and Chakotay spend the entire episode thinking about humping each other, but never do. In Janeway's defense, Chakotay is a meathead. They would make meathead children. You made the right call Chakotay. Pass.
26. Basics, Part 1
Displaying extraordinary incompetance, Voyager is captured by the Kazon and the crew is stranded on a matte painting.. I mean a planet. Part of the Chakotay/Seska arc. Just barely watchable, and it's a season finale 2 parter, so if that adds weight for you, so be it.
1. Basics, Part 2
Last appearance of the Kazon (yay!). End of the Chakotay/Seska Soap Opera (yay!). Death of Seska (yay!). Interesting performance with Suder the serial killer. In all, not terrible at all. Watchable, and somewhat entertaining.
Sulu is in it. Grace Lee Whitney is in it. Unfortunately, their parts are reset button. Nostalgia factor gives this episode extra points, but the plot is really boring. This was what Voyager came up with for the 40th anniversary. They got completely rolled by DS9's "Trials and Tribble-ations". Watchable, but boring.
3. The Chute
Harry Kim and Paris are trapped in an alien prison. Will they escape before the episode ends? If you said no, you obviously haven't seen any Voyager before. Pass.
4. The Swarm
First appearance of Lewis Zimmerman. Watchable, but nothing special.
5. False Profits
Kudos for pulling from a (superior) episode of TNG. Wacky Ferengi antics. Janeway loses yet another chance to get home. Watchable, somewhat boring.
Torres relives an old woman's life through psychic dreams that are boring and uninteresting. Pass.
7. Sacred Ground
Janeway goes through mystic nonsense trials to save Kes. Pass.
8. Future's End
2 part episode with the Voyager crew on 1996 Earth. Though the plot is fatally flawed (the guy with a time machine yells "NO TIME!") it is mildly amusing to see the crew interact with "modern" Earth. Watchable.
Kes is taken over by a Warlord, and screams at people in her high pitched woman voice from her 5 foot tall waif body.. Awful. Do not watch.
10. The Q and the Grey
Q and Q make a baby. The Q Continuum is displayed as US Civil War era America. Watchable, but meh.
You should only watch this episode if you have no knowledge of physics or virusses, because this episode is completely ridiculous. I hesitate to call it "watchable" but you could probably watch it without turning it off in disgust. It's on the border.
12. Fair Trade
A Neelix episode. Does it really matter what happens? Pass.
13. Alter Ego
A girl alien stalks Tuvok. Holodeck malfunction. Pass.
A brain-bending hallucination reset button episode with no redeeming qualities. Pass.
15. Blood Fever
B'Elanna Torres is HORNY ENOUGH TO KILL!! Does the idea of a sweaty Torres with heaving bosoms in a starfleet tank top appeal to you? I'll let you make the call on this one. The plot? Well, it was phoned in.
Chakotay episode with Borg in it.. which will be forgotten about by the entire crew next week! Pass.
A Kes romance episode. Need I say more? Pass.
Neelix and Tuvok trapped in an elevator. Suprisingly, not as atrocious as it sounds. Watchable, but just barely.
19. Favorite Son
Harry Kim has secretly been a Delta Quadrant alien for the entire run of Voyager!! Or maybe.. not. I'll let you guess which one is true. Pass.
20. Before and After
Kes actually does something interesting. You'll be shocked at the prospect of a solid Voyager Time Travel episode. Watchable, interesting.
21. Real Life
The holographic Doctor programs a holographic family that you'll never see again. There might be some drama here if it had an kind of impact on his character in the future. It doesn't. Watchable.
22. Distant Origin
Dinosaurs track down Voyager and kidnap Chakotay. Unfortunately, they return him. Watchable despite Chakotay.
Aliens use the most ridiculous invasion strategy ever to take over Voyager. It's a good thing the crew is used to ridiculous aliens. Pass.
24. Worst Case Scenario
Holodeck malfunction. Pass.
Introduction of species 8472. Beginning of the end for the Borg. Many, many continuity problems. Watchable, but barely. It's a 2 part season ended too, if that matters to you.
1. Scorpion, part 2
Introduction of Seven of Nine. Introduction of Fluidic Space. First of many Borg technobabble plot solutions. Watchable, but annoying.
2. The Gift
Kes leaves the main cast, and is only seen in one more epiosde (yay!). I assume that's what the title refers to. Pass.
3. Day of Honor
Beginning of Paris/Torres romance. Aliens steal the warp core. Pass.
Chakotay episode. Pass.
Nonsense hologram ethics. Seven wants to hump Kim. Kim is a chicken. Pass.
6. The Raven
The story behind Seven of Nine's assimilation. Not horrible, but awfully convienient. Watchable.
7. Scientific Method
Aliens experiment on the crew.. oddly, they do not use the scientific method to examine the results. Pass.
8. Year of Hell
2 part reset button episode. Mildly entertaining, but ultimately a waste of time. Watchable.
9. Random Thoughts
Telepathic nonsense episode. Pass.
10. Concerning Flight
Aliens steal Voyager's computer and a Leonardo da Vinci hologram. Completely obtuse? yes. Awful? not entirely. Watchable.
11. Mortal Coil
Not just a neelix episode.. a Neelix morality episode. Doublepass.
12. Waking Moments
Telepathic nonsense episode. Pass.
13. Message in a Bottle
The Doctor is sent back to the alpha quadrant and ends up fighting the Romulans. Episode is entertaining despite the prescence of Andy Dick. Multi-Vector-Assault-Mode demonstrates the writer's complete disregard for common sense. Watchable.
Hirogen. Ugh. Pass.
Hirogen. Ugh. Pass.
It's one of those "it's all in your head" episodes. Pass.
17. The Killing Game
Hirogen. Ugh. Pass. Need more? Janeway is a klingon. Ugh.
18. Vis a Vis
It's like an even worse version of Turnabout Intruder. Pass.
19. The Omega Directive
The Omega Directive requires Starfleet personnel to be overdramatic.. i.e. "Oh my God, we have to implement.... THE OMEGA DIRECTIVE!" Watchable, but boring.
Chakotay falls in love with a woman who makes him forget her, but then she wants him to remember, but he can't and in fact, never does.. and then later forgets her again. Watchable if you can tolerate Chakotay romances.
21. Living Witness
Future aliens make a museum about Voyager, but they get all the facts wrong. Good thing the Doctor is part of the exhibit. Watchable.
Alien doppelgangers. Pass.
The crew needs to go into stasis to pass through some space phenomenon. This is a direct rip of the Wizard of Oz, and Seven is dorothy. Pass.
24. Hope and Fear
The episode starts with an interesting premise, but it turns out that the whole thing is just the world's most complicated ploy to get Voyager assimilated by the Borg. Watchable, but predictable.
Voyager passes through a starless void, despite that not exactly being quite possible in space. Watchable.
Seven accidentally assimilates the doctor's mobile emitter, which turns into Robocop. The advanced drone blows itself up at the end. Watchable, but useless.
3. Extreme Risk
Torres goes bonkers (a theme that will get more and more boring) the Delta Flyer is created. Pass.
4. In the Flesh
8472 creates the most ridiculous invasion program for Earth, but Voyager finds it and convinces the gardener to call it off. Pass.
5. Once Upon a Time
This episode is home to the abomination which is referred to as "Flotter". It's also home to a continuity error where holodecks existed before they actually existed. Do not view, completely awful.
Geordi is in it. Janeway dies. Harry Kim gets stuff to do.. this is my kind of episode! Watchable, and mildly entertaining.
7. Infinite Regress
Seven goes bonkers. I think they mislabeled the show, it should have been "infinite lameness". megapass.
8. Nothing Human
I hate it when plastic aliens attach to crewmembers. This is a medical ethics drama about using researched obtained through torture. A for effort, and it's watchable for that reason alone.
9. Thirty Days
Tom Paris disobeys order over an irrelevant space-borne ocean. Preachy. Awful. Do not watch.
Janeway romance. Pass.
11. Latent Image
The Doctor is somehow ethically confused by doing his job as he was programmed to do it. The episode makes no sense, but the mystery portion of it is solid. Watchable.
12. Bride of Chaotica!
Holographic aliens "from the fifth dimension" invade the holodeck. Holodeck malfunction. This works as a send-up to 30's serial sci-fi, but has no place whatsoever in Voyager's continuity. Barely watchable.
A Tuvok love story episode. Pass.
Voyager is nearly eaten by a space monster. Pass.
15. Dark Frontier
Borg nonsense and continuity condradiction. Megapass. This is a 2 part sweeps episode.
16. The Disease
Harry Kim gets an alien STD. Seriously, I'm not joking. At least Kim gets to do something. Suprisingly watchable.
17. Course: Oblivion
Reset button, spoiler: It's not even the actual voyager crew you watch. Pass.
18. The Fight
Chakotay episode with indian mystic nonsense. Pass.
19. Think Tank
Jason Alexander attempts a protection racket scheme on Voyager. He fails. Mildly watchable.
Torres gets sweaty on an alien freighter, is naked in a sonic shower. You be the judge, because you're not gonna watch this episode for the plot.
21. Someone to Watch Over Me
Doctor falls in love with Seven. "Hilarity" ensues. Viewers disgusted. Pass.
Star Trek decides to freak out about Y2K in this completely irrelevant and useless Janeway story. Pass.
As if "Future's End" needed a sequel, they went ahead and made this show, which stars an entirely different Captain Braxton than the first Captain Braxton. Aside from the screwy time travel "reintegration" nonsense, it's an interesting episode. Watchable.
Uh oh, someone saw the 1974 movie "Dark Star" and stole the plot. Oops, we noticed. Pass.
Janeway is shocked to discover that a Starfleet captain even more incompetant than she is is in the Delta Quadrant! Somewhat interesting. Watchable. This is a 2 part finale.
Re: Voyager for people who hate Voyager
1. Equinox, part 2
The Equinox is destroyed, even though it looks way cooler than voyager. This made me sad. Watchable.
2. Survival Instinct
Seven discovers more unassimilated borg. Apparently de-assimilation happens all the time in the Borg collective. Too bad, I kinda liked tough borg. Pass.
3. Barge of the Dead
This episode is famous for being Ronald D. Moore's last Star Trek script. It features klingon mysticism nonsense. Too bad RDM. Pass.
4. Tinker Tenor Doctor Spy
The origin of the "Emergency Command Hologram" which is, quite possibly, the stupidest thing anyone has ever done in Star Trek... oh wait.. I forgot about that salamander thing and Tuvix. Okay, this is the THIRD stupidest thing in all of Star Trek. Awful Awful Awful, do not watch!!
Tom Paris' shuttle falls in love with him.. or something like that. Anyways, it also wants to kill him. Pass.
The biggest riddle is how this episode made it to air. Tuvok story with mystical nonsense. Pass.
7. Dragon's Teeth
Voyager discovers aliens in stasis (wow, haven't seen that before). Not bad, but pretty boring. Watchable.
8. One Small Step
Once again, Voyager encounters crap from Earth alllll the way out in the delta quadrant. This time hauled off by a graviton ellipse. Watchable, but not memorable.
9. The Voyager Conspiracy
Seven goes bonkers again. Pass.
A very good episode, mostly because it's a Barclay episode. Very Watchable, almost good.
11. Fair Haven
Janeway romance. Pass.
12. Blink of an Eye
An interesting take on time travel. Voyager is orbiting a planet that develops from stone age to super advanced in a matter of hours. Watchable, and even good.
The doctor sings. A lot. He sings opera. Awful. Do not watch.
A giant stone alien penis makes everyone hallucinate. Pass.
The Rock beats the crap out of Seven of Nine. Finally! Watchable and amusing.
Seven deassimilates.. borg children. As sad as that sounds, it's better than it seems. Sort of interesting to see borg children. Sort of annoying too. Sort of watchable.
17. Spirit Folk
Holodeck malfunction and Janeway romance in the same episode. Doublepass.
18. Ashes to Ashes
Kim's girlfriend died, and now she's an alien zombie. The Doctor fixes her, but she'd rather be dead. Poor Kim. Pass.
19. Child's Play
An Icheb/Seven story that is better played in Icheb's side. Lame, but watchable.
20. Good Shepherd
Janeway decides that all the losers on Voyager should all go on the same away mission at the same time... shocker.. things go wrong. Zoe Mclellan guest stars (yay!) Watchable, but predictable.
21. Live Fast and Prosper
A completely awful episode in which con artists impersonate Voyager crew.. poorly. Do not watch.
A completely awful episode about a society creating Shakespeare-like plays based on shuttlecraft logs. Do not watch.
Kes is back, and girlfriend's maaaaaadddd. Pass.
24. Life Line
A Voyager episode that features Troi prominently.. One of the best Voyager episodes. Most watchable.
25. The Haunting of Deck Twelve
Neelix tells ghost stories to children. Pass.
26. Unimatrix Zero
The Zero is for how much plot there is. Season finale. Pass.
1. Unimatrix Zero, part 2
Janeway, Tuvok, and Torres are assimilated, and then deassimilated. Sorry, Picard, that whole locutus deal was just a hat trick. Awful, do not watch.
One of Seven's brain implants malfunctions.. but this is an Icheb episode.. and darned it he doesn't rock it. This Voyager episode is actually GOOD. It makes you want more Icheb. Too bad you won't get much more Icheb.
A space race episode with ridiculous racing outfits. Pass.
Tuvok goes bonkers. Pass.
5. Critical Care
The Doctor is kidnapped. Watchable but boring.
6. Inside Man
The Ferengi reprogram a holo-barclay to kidnap Seven of Nine for her nanoprobes. Interesting depiction of Starfleet from an Admiral's perspective. Watchable.
7. Body and Soul
The Doctor makes Seven of Nine act like an idiot. Pass.
Harry Kim botches his first command, and is assisted by Seven of Nine, who has never commanded anything. Watchable, but not interesting.
9. Flesh and Blood
Hirogen.. urgh. Malfunctioning holograms.. double urgh. Pass.
Voyager is split into different timeframes.. and only Chakotay can save the ship! Did you know that when you inject your body with a formula that allows you to travel in time, it also injects your clothes? Watchable, but lame.
Torres goes bonkers again. Awful. Do not watch.
An overly preachy commentary on prison systems. Pass.
Klingons think that Torres' baby is the Klingon messiah.. and another useful alpha quadrant ship is destroyed meaninglessly! Not only that, but none of the Klingons stick around! LAME! Pass.
14. The Void
The universe finally gets tired of Voyager and flushes it down a cosmic toilet bowl that nobody can get out of.. oh wait, they get out of it. I am so shocked. Watchable, and entertaining.
The entire crew's memory is erased and they are programmed to believe that they are minimum wage workers in an alien factory town. To make matters worse, the Emergency Command Hologram is back, AND it outranks Harry Kim, an actual starfleet officer. AWFUL. Do not watch.
16. Human Error
Seven wants to get it on with Chakotay, but the Borg have programmed her to self destruct if she gets too turned on. At least Chakotay isn't stuck with stupid Seska. A shame Seven doesn't have better taste. Watchable, but ultimately forgettable.
O's son is having a discipline problem... so he has Janeway babysit. The worst Q episode ever created. Pass.
18. Author, Author
The Doctor's awful holonovel is plagarized by people in the Alpha Quadrant. The legality of the doctor's sentience is called into question. Watchable, but bland.
19. Friendship One
Dumbass aliens blow themselves up with an ancient Earth space probe. Janeway assumes responsibility for the stupid aliens. Barely watchable.
20. Natural Law
A completely boring episode involving preserving cavemen from a technologically advanced society. Pass.
Neelix LEAVES VOYAGER FOREVER! This is my kind of episode. Watchable!
22. Renaissance Man
The Doctor is spying for aliens. Boring. Pass. Neelix isn't in this episode though, so that's awesome.
About 40% of this episode is reset button. Janeway finally makes it back to earth some 20 years after the show ends, but she's sad that Chakotay died, so she goes back in time to save herself from her own incompetance... and her younger self screws everything up anyway. Perhaps most distressing, you never do see Voyager get home, even though the last scene is it approaching Earth. Seeing Voyager get back to earth and the conclusions to all the characters is a no brainer, and still they couldn't deliver. Awful, but you have to watch it because it's the finale. On the up side, Alice Krige is the Borg queen, must better than that other lame one they had in the series.
Re: Voyager for people who hate Voyager
Woah, so much effort for somebody who hates Voyager. It's not my favourite trek series, but I can at least find a few good episodes amongst it's seven seasons.
Re: Voyager for people who hate Voyager
Nothing wrong with a negative opinion but trollish spam is not welcome here. I suggest you dial it back. Closing thread. Comments to pm.
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